Debate (đề tài: PEACE AND WAR)

luvta_moon

doraebun gửi lúc 29-5-2013 13:08
I think our parents always want us to be happy so they want find to the perfect marriage partner for ...

câu đầu tiên đã lặp lại chữ "want" rùi, để xem nào :-? có thể đổi chữ "want" thứ 2 thành "they always find a perfect marriage partner" ("find" ko cần "to" đâu) . mà cụm "first married last love" là j thế ??? còn nữa nếu xài "listen" thì thêm giới từ "to" mà thực ra trong trường hợp này dùng "hear" hay hơn cả vì "listen to" khác "hear" ở chỗ "listen to" là nge lời, nge và làm theo, còn "hear" chỉ như 1 hành động vô thức thui.

luvta_moon

tratrangbinh gửi lúc 29-5-2013 23:23
Làm lun cho xôm tụ nào

Getting married is one of the most important decisions in a person's .

in general, bài viết là tốt, có 1 vài lỗi nhỏ như sai chính tả: 'compatile" --> "compatible" và câu "It's a safe way to get to know others, from that, find the person whom you want to live a long life" thêm chữ "you" ở chỗ "find the person." đó để đủ chủ vị nhé ^^ "i think my parents will understand to any my decision" "understand" thì ko cần "to" đâu

đoạn sau là ổn rồi {:297:}

luvta_moon

Topic (this week) PEACE AND WAR

Assignment: Do u agree or disagree with this statement:" world peace would be closer than you think".

Deadline: 00h00 3/6/2013

cuoilennhe

em cũng ham hố tham gia câu này
In my opinion, love and marriage are concerned with each other. love is the beginning of marriage, and marriage is the destination of a beautiful love. A marriage without love will not exist long. if there is no love between a couple, there is nothing can protect for their marriage's life. Because, no love means no faith, no hope, and many controversies. So that, what can keep them together?? nothing.
As a girl, i hope in the future, i will have a happy marriage, it will have to be started from love, i think so.
các sis sửa giúp e nhá :)

be_Rua7691

Topic (this week) PEACE AND WAR
we are now have more peace than other countries, just look at American, they always live in scary, worry because of what they đi in the past. Vietnamese live in peace because we so kind to others, so I think if we kind to everyone, peace isn't so far

hix, viết có đoạn chút xíu mà suy nghĩ wá trời, bạn check giùm mình nhaz

chikarinnguyenh

Topic: Peace and war

Task assignment: Nowadays our world is in danger of arm races between US and Russia, indiscriminate bombing whether in Iraq, Iran to America, nuclear war in two Korea peninsulas, terrorism on September 11th,etc. However, one guy who approached to me argued that:” World peace could be closer than you think”. What do you think? What is your favor?
(mình làm cái debate ban đầu nhé)


The issue about "world peace could be closer than you think" is certainly a contentious one. Because, nowadays our world is in danger of races between US and Russia such as the space race, indiscriminate bombing whether in Iraq, Iran to America, nuclear war in two Korean peninsular, terrorism on September 11th, genocidal campaigns in Sudan, massacres in the Congo, etc. In the following essay, I aim to identify the sources of this problem as well as some viable solutions to them.

We are living in the modern society when banner: ‘’ liberty and equality” is always being propagated around us. However, violence happens everyday by means of lethal weapons such as poison, bomb and so many more. In my opinion, conflicts will never end because struggle is nature’s way of strengthening us. In addition, the reason is that humans make war on each other in ever coarser units. Prehistoric fighting was hunting party versus hunting party, then village against village, tribe against tribe. Raiding was a common human activity then. Large social organizations how mostly eliminated war on that fine scale. Now, with better weapons like the atom bombs, have made war too expensive and risky on the grand scale. Better human civilization and better technology is slowly squeezing war out of the human experience. There are people believe that selfish autocrats cause war, whereas the common people  who bear the costs, would be loath to fight. One good example is the typical United States of America fighting more wars than ever because of the avaricious autocrat. Moreover, if the world feels like a more violent place than it actually is, that’s because there’s more information about war.

I believe that "world peace is closer than you think" when we know that we want peace and really love it. Firstly, we must recognize that we are anti- war and think the best way to reduce war is to start from realistic evidence of what is and isn’t work, not despair that everything is getting worse when it isn’t. Secondly, I think far more important is economic integration between countries, which makes open war so obviously counter productive that it is avoid at all costs. Finally, peace can be achieved when humanity has reached a level of mutual understanding and tolerance, but it is undeniably a near impossible task.

In reality, of course, this is a vast oversimplification of the issue. World peace will come  as soon as we realize that we all want it.

[Ps: Đề này khó >>bài viết mình lấy ý kiến từ nhiều nguồn. Có lỗi nào sai , diễn đạt lủng củng hoặc dùng từ chưa được hay thì cả nhà sửa giúp mình nhé.Thanks!!!{:161:}

nhokkute

chikarinnguyenh gửi lúc 3-6-2013 23:44
Topic: Peace and war

Task assignment: Nowadays our world is in danger of arm races between US and R ...

- would peace => world peace.
- "everyday of people’s life" theo mình dùng everyday là đủ r.
- "that is lethal by weapon, poison, bomb and so on" => with lethal weapons such as poison, bomb, and so on
- nature’s way => natural way
-  better weapons => with better weapons
-  There are people believe that selfish ... => there are some/many people believing  (vì trong câu này are là chủ ngữ chính, believe chỉ bổ ngữ cho people)
- , who bear the costs, => bỏ dấu phẩy nhé vì common people là chưa xác định nên k có dấu phẩy
-

I believe that would peace is closer than you think when you know that you want peace and really love it. Firstly, you must recognize that you are anti- war and think the best way to reduce war is to start from realistic evidence of what is and isn’t work, not despair that everything is getting worse when it isn’t.  

đoạn này viết hơi khó hiểu nên mình chưa có biết sửa thế nào cho rõ nghĩa hơn. để đợi cho chủ topic sửa tiếp vậy hihi

purpletulips

chikarinnguyenh gửi lúc 3-6-2013 23:44
Topic: Peace and war

Task assignment: Nowadays our world is in danger of arm races between US and R ...

sửa chút đỉnh để cho bài viết dể hiểu chút thôi nha :)) và nếu câu nào đã có bạn khác sửa rùi thì mình ko đụng tới :))

1. opening sentence, it's best if you put quotation marks, i.e. "world peace could be closer than you think" because the word contentious in your sentence is targeted at this specific idea.

2. danger of races between U.S. and Russia, what races are you referring to?  If you are talking about the two countries, then by definition, they are of one race, caucasian.  You'll want to explain the difference if that's not what you meant.  

3. last sentence in the first paraghaph, just a minor detail, "this problem" should be in plural form since you brought up a list of issues; this also changed the word "it" to "them."  "...the sources for these problems as well as some viable solutions to them."

4. second sentence in paraghaph 2, I would rewrite as followed: "However, violence happens everday by means of lethal weapons, such as poisons, bombs, and so many more."

5. the next 5 sentences were grammatically wrong and also didn't make any sense. :)) I can't input because I don't understand what you were trying to convey.

6. better weapons, like => with better weapons like the atomic bombs,

7. One typically good instance => One good example is the typical United States of America :) emphasizing creates more impact on readers ;)

8. first sentence in third paraghaph, are you requoting the phrase "world peace is closer than you think" or it's your actual believes?  I asked because in the next sentence you used the word "you" which in your context indicated second person plural instead of "we"

9. your closing paragraph, I like the first sentence, don't understand the second, and would suggest you change the word "arrives" to "will come" in the third. :))



P.S.: On a personal note, I like your write-up :)) I would have to say that I disagree with a couple of things, but I won't delved into it simply because this is not a one-on-one debate :)