[Other] Những Ngày Không Vui

ver219

How much sorrow can I take?
Blackbird on my shoulder
And what difference does it make
When this love is over?

Shall I sleep within your bed
River of unhappiness
Hold your hands upon my head
Till I breathe my last breath.

ver219

The ultimate question of all time: am I ready to go public?

My recent meal plan has been like this: coffee for breakfast, iced tea for lunch, and sleep for dinner. Sometimes for a treat, I have sleep for the entire day, or a big kat.

My social relationships aren't much: friends lost along the way, lover gives no fuck about me, co-workers are just a bunch of assholes and lazy asses.

Yeah...

ver219

We've already discussed about future plan and it excited me more than I thought. I was so ready to jump into the fire of love but when we parted ways after seeing each other at midnight, it broke the glasses of trust and I got hurt again. Something about our relationship was wrong. I could feel it.

The wound cut so deep it bled through layers of masks I put on.

ver219

I seem fated to pass through the world without colliding with it or moving it — and I'm sure I can't tell you whether the fate's good or evil. I don't die — I don't fall in love. And if other people die or fall in love they always do it when I'm just not there.

ver219

The suddenly you’re left all alone with your body that can’t love you and your will that can’t save you. Because sound
begets silence
begets rage.

ver219

“The reason I hadn’t washed my clothes or my hair was because it seemed so silly. I saw the days of the year stretching ahead like a series of bright, white boxes, and separating one box from another was sleep, like a black shade. Only for me, the long perspective of shades that set off one box from the next had suddenly snapped up, and I could see day after day after day glaring ahead of me like a white, broad, infinitely desolate avenue. It seemed silly to wash one day when I would only have to wash again the next. It made me tired just to think of it. I wanted to do everything once and for all and be through with it.”

ver219

As mentioned in title of the thread, nothing particularly sad worth written about happened. I've been doing just okay and though to be honest, a lot of things happened that took a toll on my mental health but I was able to let it slip through. Without a care in the world, I really need a quality sleep right now. My eyelids have been exhausted the last couple of days that made it really hard for me to stare at the computer screen for hours on end.

I had a small fight with dad the other day. I admitted I was a bit sensitive that day but it was because he never stops comparing me to my brilliant sister. Dad, we're two different people. She is strong willed but I'm not. I can kill myself even if a pen drops on a bad day. So please, I just want you to listen to me venting out work stress. I can't hear you complaining back.

Happy Thanksgiving anyway.

ver219

you feel that you are always in a state of waiting, expecting some event, not on the outside, but inside you, in your guts. It is a condition that could be called cloudiness. You do not know if you are in rain or in sunshine. And darkness no longer becomes darkness, but a climb toward the threshold of an internal light that is just about to glow. This is when it becomes possible to speak of the light of darkness as it would be possible to speak of the darkness of light.

ver219

There is a difference between a foggy weather and a cloudy day. I would give anything to have a cloudy morning and a clear night sky but foggy can go fuck its self. Okay that was a bit harsh but when it's foggy, my visual ability to function impairs.

I heard people's willingness to do things for her is out of this world and I will just sitting here and laugh my ass off because I was in ya'll's shoes for the longest time. Blindingly selling my soul to the devil and what is left in me is anger and disappointment. So you go ahead and say whatever nice thing you can about you guys and I will do me as is. What a bunch of fools thinking they're doing their best to prove themselves for nothing.

ver219

This is how I start my day:

I woke up this morning feeling like shit and noticed how the clock said 6:10 so it made me a bit better. I was laying in bed for a while before actually getting out of bed to get ready with a busy day ahead. Got into my car when I got a text message from him. What a way to start a day don't you think? Not that I have anything against him. I do in fact a lot. I have so many questions but he never answers them. I tend to overthink when questions aren't gotten answering. Lots of things to do today but just one text from him stopped my motivation for the day. I wasn't someone not be able to concentrate on my shit just because a guy intervene in my life. That's the stupidest thing ever in the entire world, letting someone stop you from your goal. But I'm getting ahead of myself. This is not just something I thought of on a whim. I wanted to do things when I wanted to. I loved reading books and was passionate about it. I have always loved writing since I was a kid and what has happened to it? I don't know. Lots of things happened. I hated the fact that I had to be here doing nothing worthwhile, being nothing.

I hate being nothing.