ver219 Tại 30-8-2019 11:47:48

I'm just gonna jot down a few things today and start fresh tomorrow.

Woke up early this morning and was being pretty productive when it hit me hard that I still have a long long long way to go. Had oatmeal, nutritious/protein bars for lunch and a cold bottle of kombucha for dinner. Eyes were heavily wanting to shut down any moment while I was driving on the road. Street lights and car lights were bugging my eyes the whole time. Had the worst headache of the day after waking up from a two hour nap. It was painfully non stop aching. But managed to turn back home safely. Lots of things going in my mind lately and has been trying to talk about them but failed to do so. Hope I can come back strong tomorrow. Hope ya'll doing okay with life because life has been fucking with me lately.

ver219 Tại 2-9-2019 09:23:48

Hey buddy,

Congratulations for making it 18!

I remember turning 18 many years ago, I was in an existential crisis. I had no friends then, up until when V started blending me in her life. I did everything all by myself prior to the event and when I needed someone to turn to, people simply failed me. So many things happened, I finally met you at the place that I used to hate the most. Before our encounter took place, I had met you through V's stories and your parents' conversations. I found interesting enough when I could imagine who you were before I even saw you face to face.

I first met you on Thanksgiving at V's. I then met you at RF where I gave you hell about literally about everything that you did. I met you while I was getting ready to give all up. I met you and you saved me.

I have absolutely no idea how a person can be so positive most of the time. You have that vibe about you that constantly give me a good sense of calmness when having you around. It was my luck, I guess, that I would have such a thing called 'your friendship'. You make it easy for me to talk about literally everything that I would never talk to anyone. I'm grateful to be a small part of your life, even if we part ways in the future, I will always fold those memories between us into a safe place. And from time to time, when life gets rough, I will silence the world and remember you.

ver219 Tại 5-9-2019 06:10:28

Broad shoulders, slim waist.

I drift away into daydreaming without me knowing a lot recently.

I, shamelessly, neglected your existence. I waited for my heart to cool down from all the heat you gave me.

When I was about to succeed boxing all of my feelings for you, you sent me a text message at midnight.

And it sparked once again.

Anyone who has common sense would ignore the text and move on with their life. I am, of all people, known for being sensible in most situations, replied his text immediately without a second thought. What an absolute idiot.

ver219 Tại 7-9-2019 11:55:00

I don't know what has gotten into me theses days. I woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. Without turning on the light, I was doing my business 'till I realized I was brushing my teeth instead of actually doing the business I needed to do. Also, when I went to pump gas for my car, it took me a solid five minute to finish. Normally, when it requires an additional cost for using card instead of cash, I know it's a must to press 'yes'. But being an idiot that I am, I kept selecting 'no' and thinking to myself why I have to pay an extra fee for no reasons.

Been doing okay so far, but not so great.

ver219 Tại 16-9-2019 15:09:11

Tôi dắt tay em qua đoạn đường dài đầy chông gai, phơi tình cho thiên hạ.
Tôi đưa em về ngõ nhỏ dưới trời đầy tuyết trắng, mặc sự đời treo trên vai.

Tôi làm tất cả vì em, bỏ mặc tất cả, bỏ mặc đời.

Tôi thương em đến vậy, thương em đến đau lòng.

CM, Sep 16 @2:10AM
Nhớ vô cùng.

ver219 Tại 18-9-2019 10:09:39

"Hey," he said, half-asleep, "what were you before you met me?"
"I think I was drowning."
A pause.
"And what are you know?" he whispered, sinking.
I thought for a second. "Water."

...

        Tôi cứ đinh ninh rằng mọi chuyện đều nằm trong tầm kiểm soát của mình. Hoá ra, mọi thứ đã đi lạc khỏi đường ray mà tôi đã cố gắng chu toàn từ lâu rồi. Quả thật người tính không bằng trời tính. Kể cả những đối tượng tôi xem là bạn, cũng chẳng qua là người đi ngang đời tôi.
       
        Hao tâm tổn trí suy nghĩ cho họ cũng không làm tôi cảm thấy vui như trước nữa. Cố gắng làm mọi thứ để nhìn thấy họ cười là điều ngu ngốc nhất tôi từng làm. Đáng lẽ ra tôi nên dành thời gian cho bản thân mình nhiều hơn. Yêu thương, nâng niu, bảo vệ. Thời điểm ấy lại quay lại rồi. Không tin ai nữa đâu.

ver219 Tại 24-9-2019 09:21:48

I understand what it is now.

I have her phone number and all her social network accounts but I cannot make that initiative move. It is all because of my great distress of being rejected. I'm scared she wouldn't reply to my text messages. I'm afraid of her busy, stressful life getting in her way of being my long-distance friend. And I don't even know if we are still friends or not.


&


Mỗi lần Y làm những hành động đầy đường mật, tôi đều phải tự hỏi sự tự chủ của mình đã đi đâu mất rồi. Y choàng vai rồi xoa đầu, trong lòng tôi liền mơn mởn mọc lên những cành non xanh trên hòn đất khô cằn vạn năm không ai đặt chân đến. Y cứ thế xoa đầu tôi hơn năm phút đồng hồ, nhẹ nhàng khoan thai.

Hơi ấm từ bàn tay Y âm thầm len vào tim tôi đến cuối đời.

ver219 Tại 2-10-2019 06:47:39

I've been doing okay lately. Nothing much. Things are surprisingly under my control. I wanted to cut my hair short but felt too skeptical to go to hair salon and get it done. I usually do my hair at home since I don't want to spend the extra bucks on something I can do. Besides, I'm pretty much into my current hair length.

Someone gave me a box of Godiva as a returning favor the other day. If you don't know already, I love chocolates. I'm fond of the smooth, earthy bitterness of intense dark chocolate from Ghirardelli brand. So, the Godiva box was somewhat a bit much too sweet for my taste. But I ended up finishing the whole thing in two days. Got acnes all over my face due to excessive sugar intake, but it was worth the try though. Not complaining.

I stopped by H's bar the other day to pick up some stuff. Ran into an old colleague who I had cut all ties and had been avoiding him. He saw me and immediately sprinted towards to confront me. I dragged him outside for a talk. He was sort of the most adored bartender and was very well known for his wits, vast reading, and intellectual class. Essentially, that moment he seemed like losing his religion and I definitely did not want to cause a scene. We talked, not really, he talked and I kind of tuned out the whole time. He took my phone in my hand and put his phone number in. He made a call to his own phone and saved it. I had no whatsoever recollections afterwards.

ver219 Tại 2-10-2019 20:57:05

I woke up pretty early this morning. I'd done all my hygiene routine before hopping into the car by six. There were less than ten vehicles in the parking lot, considering how early I was. After parking my car, I slowly walked to Starbucks and decided to spend my next two hours there. I got a double-smoked bacon, cheddar and egg sandwich for breakfast with a hot cup of caramel macchiato, grande. I was reading Econ while ravenously breathing my sandwich. Half of the cup of coffee in, my heart was beating pretty faster than usual.

I was on a caffeine cut-down diet for months now, so three days in a row thriving on coffee was a bad idea. But I did it anyway. I slowed down on the coffee and tried to steer myself back into the reading. The materials were challenging and it took me roughly an hour to finish two pages, which was a total shame considering of how fast a reader I am.

I have to write some reports, finish academic papers which due tomorrow, and help out a fellow on his thesis. I don't know if I should have lunch since I'm on a tight budget this month. I have two meetings coming, one is at 8 and the other is at 12.

I made an impulse purchase last night and regretted it so bad. It's fine though, I won't do it again.

ver219 Tại 3-10-2019 07:04:04

Oh wow. Is meeting old people in my past a trend these days? I just encountered someone who went to the same school as mine years ago. He was walking side by side with a pretty girl. A typical one: Tennis skirt and Fjällräven Kånken backpack. It was funny though. I actually left out a chuckle while walking pass them. I'm pretty sure he saw me because I could felt his longing glance eyed on me. What a creepy guy. I fortunately dodged a huge bullet.

I finished half of my report already. My workload this month is fucking time-consuming. I barely have time for myself. Speaking of work, I have fuckton of errands to run tomorrow.

Lately, everything seems uncanny to me. I don't really have an exact expression to describe how I feel right now. October is odd.

V collapsed yesterday at her bakery shop and I was fucking terrified. Her nephew broke me the news and I was speechless. She is a fucking grown up but she doesn't know how to properly take care of herself. She honestly works herself to death. Dude, what should I do with my life without you?


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